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| JANE MINKLEY, MEd. |
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EDUCATE OTHERS
Find out the facts and
spread those facts around.
Be a voice for the truth.
Increase understanding
with your knowledge.
Education increases
tolerance and leads to
acceptance.
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Jane Minkley, MEd.
P.O. Box 94023,
Lubbock, TX 79493.
www.comingoutadvisor.com
Telephone: 806-438-6504
To email Jane Minkley
Click here
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Butterfly artwork by
Mark Minkley, Artist
To email Mark Minkley
Click here
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| FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS for PARENTS |
Did my child choose to be homosexual?
No. My experience tells me that sexuality is not a choice. My sons did not choose to be gay. The discovery caused them fear, worry, and shame. Why would anyone choose to be the recipient of hate, ridicule and condemnation?
What will I tell my friends?
You will choose which friends and family to tell. I suggest being honest and straightforward. I sat with my friends and said, “My sons are both gay. We have had a difficult journey with this, but we feel it is time to ‘come out’. We just ask for your love. We are not going to live with this secret anymore.”
What will this mean for the future?
You will grieve the loss of the future you had imagined for your child. You will begin very slowly to accept that loss and then you will begin to develop new dreams for your child. This is a very slow process and requires of you education, observation, and patience.
What will people think of us?
People will always have a wide range of emotions concerning homosexuality. Some will be accepting and some will be blaming. Some will be judgmental and condemning. It takes much of your energy to deal with these reactions. Remember that putting a personal face on homosexuality helps people change their attitudes and beliefs. If you want to make the world a better place for your child, you have to use your energy to promote change.
Is homosexuality my fault?
No. Many sources will tell you that as the parent you are to blame. Do not read or listen to these sources. Blaming does not help anyone. Blaming separates and destroys relationships. There is no definite “why” to homosexuality. My personal belief is that homosexuality is biological. There is much research in this area. Education is the key to understanding - Not Blaming.
How can I handle what the Bible says about homosexuality?
Even if you believe the Bible is without error, it is a risk to believe that our human understanding is without error. God did not write the Bible. The Old Testament is the story of what the Jewish people believed about God. Followers of Jesus wrote about his life and the early Christian church in the New Testament. These books were written in Hebrew and Greek. The translation of words used in those few verses said to condemn homosexuality is the subject of much scholarly discussion. Remember, Jesus says nothing about homosexuality. Jesus speaks only of love. Let love be your guide. Educate yourself. Think for yourself. What would Jesus do? Condemn or Love?
What can I do to support my child in “coming out”?
Create a safe space for your child to communicate with you. Listen and observe. Ask your child to tell his/her story. Listen to the struggles they have had. Love your child. Ask your child what he/she needs from you. I, personally, have asked to meet some of their friends. I have invited them to bring their friends home. Some of you may not be ready to do that. See if you can work in that direction. If you can, tell your child you are working in that direction. Keeping his/her world separate from yours creates distance and breaks down communication.
Remember that your son/daughter is the same person today as they were before they came out. You love them the same. You listen to them the same. Now you know more about your son/daughter as a person.
Is there anything more valuable than your relationship with your child? |
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