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| JANE MINKLEY, MEd. |
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DISCOVER YOURSELF
Let's work together.
You can identify your
goals and accomplish
them, discover your talents
and develop them and
begin to live your authentic life.
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Jane Minkley, MEd.
P.O. Box 94023,
Lubbock, TX 79493.
www.comingoutadvisor.com
Telephone: 806-438-6504
To email Jane Minkley
Click here
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Butterfly artwork by
Mark Minkley, Artist
To email Mark Minkley
Click here
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| FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS IF YOU ARE COMING OUT |
What can I expect to gain from talking with you?
- Non-judgmental and unconditional support
- Ideas for coping with emotions, yours and others
- Resources for educating yourself and others about homosexuality
- Options for coming out
- Help in developing positive perspectives of self and your life journey
How can I tell my parents and/or friends?
“Coming out” is a fearful experience. Fear is paralyzing. It is the natural reaction to uncertainty and unknown. Freedom is the opposite. Freedom allows you to move forward, achieve goals and attain happiness. Freedom allows you to be an authentic person. It takes huge courage to move from fear to freedom. It takes patience to wait for acceptance from others. Support from caring people is necessary. Finding a caring, supporting group before you come out can be very helpful. Look in your church and community for a group you can depend on for support. My sons found great support in their churches. When you do come out: Be straightforward. Be prepared for an emotional reaction. Be prepared for lack of knowledge about homosexuality. First, come out to the person you think will be the most accepting and then to others. Skip coming out to intolerant individuals.
What if my parents reject me?
Certainly this happens and is most often the one thing that a homosexual fears the most. All of us want to believe that our parents would always be on our side and always love us. You cannot control how your parents react. You can only be honest about who you are and true to your own feelings and beliefs. If you feel that your parents will not accept your homosexuality, be sure you have a support group and financial independence. Rejection, like all feelings, happens on a continuum from a little to total. You need to prepare for all possibilities.
Who should I come out to?
Coming out happens in stages. Not everyone needs to know at the same time. Some people never need to know. Sometimes your friends and family will help you with the coming out.
- First, tell your inner circle of family and friends, those that will be most accepting.
- Next, tell any other supportive group of family and friends.
- Last, tell any extended family that you wish to tell.
Again, not everyone needs to know at the same time. Some people never need to be told.
Whether or not to come out at work depends on many factors in the workplace and should be decided on an individual basis.
What if I decide I’m not ready to come out?
Each individual decides when the time is right for coming out. Talking it out ahead of time and getting ideas on options for coming out can be helpful for your process. There is no pressure or timetable for making a decision. I can provide guidance and support.
What are some of the challenges I will face?
- Negative comments and emotions from people you love.
- Rejection of your sexuality
- Prejudice and stereotype
- Lack of knowledge
- None of this is easy, but support helps
What steps might I take in preparation for coming out?
- Identify your support people
- Get your finances in order
- Educate yourself about resources for parents
- Identify persons that can help your parents with understanding and questions (PFLAG chapter, supportive parents of other homosexuals, etc.)
What are the gifts of my homosexuality?
You were created homosexual. You have many talents and sensitivities that others do not have. You have learned to be less judgmental of others because of your own journey. You have the opportunity to travel a road that few have the opportunity to travel. You can be an example of all that is good and wonderful in the human race. You can be an agent of change.
How can I handle what the Bible says about homosexuality?
Even if you believe the Bible is without error, it is a risk to believe that our human understanding is without error. God did not write the Bible. Humans telling the story of what the Jewish people believed about God is recorded the Old Testament. Followers of Jesus wrote about his life and the early Christian church in the New Testament. These books were written in Hebrew and Greek. The translation of words used in those few verses said to condemn homosexuality is the subject of much scholarly discussion. Remember, Jesus says nothing about homosexuality. Jesus speaks only of love. Let love be your guide. Educate yourself. Think for yourself. What would Jesus do? Condemn or Love? |
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